Reason 102: The Soviet Union Is Dead

People express their love in relationships differently,almost as differently as two countries that are landlocked to one another can be. Take the USA and Mexico for example. They are right next to one another,and while time and trials have given them some similarities, ultimately they are completely different. They have different histories and cultures and tendencies, and yet somehow they have converged, both as territories and as modern democracies. I think the same can be said of relationships. Two completely different countries somehow find themselves connected.

I myself am still figuring out my own "country" to call home in terms of my relationships. I've been told I embody everything from the starch and isolated nature of the Czech Republic to the emotional and colorful prowess of Brasil (I suppose it kind of depends on who you're asking though).In any case, while my own romantic country remains undetermined, this much is clear to me: Rachel was the Soviet Union of my romantic endevours.

She was starch and at times cold(especially towards the end), and at all times completely fucking unpredictable. Perhaps that's why I fell for her, I was completely unaware of everything and at the same time entranced by the notion of it. Don't get me wrong she was caring and fun to be around, but she possessed these qualities in ways I suspect Mother Russia would possess when caring for her young. Perhaps that makes me the USA in this case. Sucked into a cold war of romanticism (of course I am oversimplifying the nuances of the US-Soviet conflict, but you get the picture). Bottom line, cheezy as it is, is that if a relationship is going to work there needs to be trust and communication. Rachel and I briefly grasped these difficult concepts, but like I said, it was brief.
By the end of our relationship, and then by the end of the on again,off again year that followed (one of my best and worst by the way),we had become so entangled in nonsensical bullshit that no one had any idea who said what when or to who and what it may have meant or not meant and if it had any relevance to either party involved at all.
Confusing huh?

We were the Soviets and the Americans sending spies into opposite camps (both literally and figuratively) to get info,recon,and check up on who's life was more miserable. In this game of international romantic telephone, by the time the information made it's way through the spy network to me, it barely resembled the source material. Nothing made sense but we were both perfectly content to keep up the game.(Actually in retrospect it's amazing to me that the USA and USSR didn't blow themselves to hell). In any case the real point is that all of that nonsensical bullshit could have been avoided if me and Rachel could've just sat down and talked to one another openly like adults. But the USSR/Rachel was always more interested in itself and it's own agendas and it's own series of lies and lies based on lies and when you got truth it was only a half truth. Part of me feels that that's just what I should've expected from a 19 year old who had no idea what she wanted out of life, but more so I think that she just never really actually loved me.