{Reason 348: Waiting}

There is very little that can be said for waiting. It sucks. In fact, it is one of the absolutely most horrifying and unjust experience's that can befall any human in any form. Whether it be waiting in the Doctor's office, pondering what the other people in the lounge have or reading those stupid magazines that you really have no interest in whatsoever. Whether it be sitting in an office waiting room wondering what skills the ponce next to you has that will land him the job youre applying for, and eating little waiting room individually wrapped starbursts.
"Waiting Room." We have entire ROOMS devoted to it! This silly,annoying, little act. And we do it because we know that waiting is inevitable. It is understood that we as beings aren't that perfect, no we are far from it. We're late, we're off task, we're off track. Sometimes it's intentional and sometimes it isn't but it is well known that it will happen, and people accept it. Occasionally we try to improve habits. We set alarms and synchronize schedules. We choose fast food instead of the diner, but just as surely as Newton's apple hit the ground, we are a perpetually late species. So we accept waiting.
And we accept waiting rooms and Weekend Fun Magazine's and Guess-Who's-Got-What And Value Meals and Gravity.
Maybe that's why I accept waiting for Christie so openly.Because I have an understanding that just like death, waiting is inevitable. Although I'm not so sure yet which is worse.

At the same time, I can see now that this is different. Back when I was with McKenzie, everytime I went out I found myself looking around rooms. It wasn't like when you entered a crowded bar and tried to find your friends or anything, it was just looking.I felt like a secret agent and every time I entered a room I immediately needed to scope out each individual, identify threats, and then formulate a plan of action. Except I had no idea what the plan of action was because I had no idea why I fucking kept looking around for someone I didn't even know! One night I was meeting McKenzie at a busier club up on Huron, and even then when I had finally found her and her friends at the bar I still was randomly searching. She finally commented on it one night, and half-yelled at me, accusing me of oodling other women. We had been going out about 3 months at that point, and that's when I realized that we'd be done in another. She was great,and I liked her, but my relationship with her had pushed me into a hole that I haden't thought even existed. I was content, but not happy. And I was happy, but not content. Here I was in this perfectly normal, perfectly adequate, perfectly reasonable relationship and I fucking hated it! I was waiting all over again! Waiting for something that wasn't apparent to me, except this time the relationship had become the waiting room, but there weren't any fun guessing games to play or extrinsic articles about kayaking. and that's why I kept looking around rooms, because I was waiting for something different.
There was just a girl who's heart I knew I was going to have to break, and it sucked. But reason 348 of any successful relationship is that you should never search around a room for as long as I did once you've found the person you were looking for. It's the first sign she's not in fact, the one that you are looking for.